Random adventures through my life... in all their glory and splendor.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

The only barrier here, is that ridiculous post in your mouth

“Hi, I’d like a #3”
“Fwyz, zouq, oh shallid?”
“What’s the soup today?”
“Queem off bwa-sha-wee”
“That sounds good”
“Anyshing elps?”
“No that’s it.”
“Fow heroshugo?”
 “For here”
“Shattilbee sheshen shirdy fide”
“Here’s my card”
“Dan Too.  Hasha nysh day!”
“Thanks you too!”

I may not be a particularly educated man, but I am pleasantly fluent in Just-Got-My-Tongue-Pierced-ese

Friday, October 9, 2015

I'm not one to talk, but...

I was texting a friend yesterday and as I pecked out, "Not to sound like a dick, but..."  I had to stop.  I knew, unequivocally, that what I was about to write was so dickish that my fingers had already tried to passive aggressively send out a warning.  I couldn't even convince *myself* that what I was about to type wasn't petty and cruel, and yet somehow announcing my intention was supposed to mitigate that I was indeed, about to write something only a dick would write?  It was ridiculous. I was left staring at my phone with an uncomfortable choice.  Either I shut up and delete, or I own up to it and be an unapologetic dick.  You know, like a real dick.  Normally this is a no-brainer for a peacenik like me, but in this particular case I really wanted to say it.  I mean, REALLY.  I wanted to jump on my elephant of self-righteous indignation and charge straight down off the moral high ground and trample away leaving nothing but dropped jaws and squashed egos underfoot!  One pointed text and I would zero out my good Karma, but Holy Hand Grenade, I would be vindicated!  Just. Hit. Send.  Be that guy.  Be a dick.


For some of us, it just isn't that simple.  I can't feign innocence about my intentions once I'm aware of them.  This particular conviction does me no good at the poker table, but has generally served me well in life.  So I took a couple deep breaths, deleted my text, and started over putting more of a playful "Duck-Duck-Goose" slant on it than the "Knock-Knock-Shotgun" I feeling.

I wish more people would take a moment to think about their actions before doing them.  Then we would all be far superior to the real dicks out there.

Just like me.